Intimidating opponent, me

Peace be upon you,
Uhm-- so hey just a reminder, i'm not a frequent-post-blogger. This blog is solely for expressing myself not my priority to satisfy the need of posting everyday for my readers. It's pointless, you know, when you did something out of your boundary in creating stories in that particular time. Explosion of overthinking could make up lies. And yeah i know you can just change the date or scheduled post but nah, there is big difference between a fresh mackerel right from the sea and the one being freezed in fridge for hours or days.

Or probably it is just me, being perfectionist?

This week, my mind is totally full with all sort of thought. But, this one bother me the most. People's first impression on me.

Most of people that I know or i just know-- would say the same thing over and over about,"what do u think abt me?". Sadness and disappointment cringe inside me when they told me...

"You're intimidating. I find you fearsome."
"I am always scared to approach you even though i want to."
"You have this aura that like telling us to not talk with you."
"You kinda have a label on your forehead telling us to not bothered you or something like that, even i do hesitate" -F

Then, recently i ask my new friend this year which is my classmate. Namely, Mira. I ask her this question when we play the 'truth&dare' game with my other friends. She told me;
"I find you as frightening that I can't even dare to approach you before when i met you during previous year."
Sad enough, i can't even give any excuse to her as i remember nothing about that day and another day where she met me when my friend met her friend. It is such a shame being ignorant. Hands down, i'm so indifferent from the common and typical high school girl. I am antisoial and absolutely care less about all of those school seniors and juniors nor the same year but kids from other class. So, it is my best friend's Shiera that always help me whenever i'm stuck in talking to stranger. She'll be like,"her name is this and her class is that". Probably because of my personality that never friendly or bubbly when it comes to people that i don't know, make them find me as umm cold?

And so, i updated my twitter with some tweets weeks ago. I tweeted just how regretful it is being antisocial and about how most of first impression i get, mostly about me being cold and scary. My newly made classmates this year, preferably called 'Dee' replied,"You are, before." So i asked her, was she being serious and the answer really made me even WOWOWOW was i that bad? She exclaimed just how she felt awkward when we started being classmate this year, she thought i am the type that hate people being all crazy or dorky. Hand down, no way i hate em. Easy going people are the best in befriending!

Moments after that, another girl who before is my classmate but now just acquaintance. Aina said that she agreed with Mira which i posted. She feels the same way like Mira with me. Sobs i felt even more insecure.

Later i tell all this sad impression on me to my bestfriend on phone. Ainatul of course my bae forever and ever geez. She said that all of them being right. Other that the time i spend with my closed people where me being all bubbly and cutesy, i am looking like a cold-hearted girl that hate people or look down on them. That is why if i ask all of those people that give first impression, what do they think about me now after knowing me much better? All of them like a flock of parrots tell me, "But well after knowing you, i see you differently and in different light."

That when i realised i was just being myself. I am the type that only havr very few number of friends. I am only closed and befriend those that i like or befriend for years. I am way too ignorant when it comes to people that i never put interest on. The cease of the need of knowing a lot people in my mind, close my eyes in being warmhearted towards em. I am quite evil, huh?

I don't know about changing my mind in befriend with more people. Thus, i will change my way in confronting people. Let's smile till your mouth rip off!

Adios amigo i'm off to learn more about human nature.

Updated notes or P.S;
I read this again because this is such a rushed post and not fully awake when i wrote this. All those typos and grammar error hope to be taken lightly as i really am tired with no intention to change it later. Excuse me for my short sightedness in typing. -11:36 PM